I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
