There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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