FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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