Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
