My cat gives me a boner
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
