i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Pants are for mortals
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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