Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
