My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
