oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
