I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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