____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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