this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
