don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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