then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
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