I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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