new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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