did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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