to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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