I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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