Who wears a wallet chain?!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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