Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
