i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
All I want is dick and wine.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
