you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
