thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
