There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
