i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
