I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Holy sore nipples Batman
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
