Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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