How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Quick, to the slutcave!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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