Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
