I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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