i would punch a child for taco bell
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
