Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
