I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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