my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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