So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
