when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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