Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
