I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
So squirting runs in the family.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
