I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize