Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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