When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
