Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
