I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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