Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
