I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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