I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Enjoy the penises
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
