I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
wow bdsm is so cute
Panties = found
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