Whats the glycemic index on semen?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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