Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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