I am puke
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize