So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
