i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
