Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
