Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
