New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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