So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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