I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
this will be a night to untag.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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