Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
