new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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