I cannot find my penis.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
