I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
