I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
