You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
