Your tits are I can't wait for
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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