Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
