I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
