When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize