Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
