yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
