Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we're making bets on your personal life
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize