I accidentally burped into my bong.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
