My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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