he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I could make wine with my vomit
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Farmville is her only friend.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
