they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
