im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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