Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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