That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
