Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
