maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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