I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
