This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
