I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize