I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize