So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
