were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
my being single is dangerous.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
