Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It's just like the Real World with babies
it glows. i had to have it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize