I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
