we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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