So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
