Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
