walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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